I am not very excited about the new year.
I mean last year, all in all, was alright.
It was very up and down.
If it wasn't great, then it was pretty shitty.
But I have grown a lot from it.
Some bridges were burned, some were created, and others just kept on building.
I can't say that I have regreted anything that happened last year.
Everything I did was because I wanted to do it (at one point in time).
All the bad things that didn't work out have made me stronger.
But there will always be that one thing, or should I say person, that I will never be able to shake off.
And to quote Against Me! - "If you had told me about all this when I was fifteen, I never would have believed it."
I remember...
That we were both nervous the first time we met
That you had the most beautiful green eyes I had ever looked in
When you held my hand and smiled, not knowing how I'd react
How our first kiss went- gentle, butterflies, perfect, and real
That I didn't care what anyone else thought
How we could talk for hours about anything
That we could never make it through a movie
When you became distant
Then I asked you about it
How you said you were back with her
My heart cracking
Those months without talking
Most of all, that day we started again
How you acted like nothing happened
Then you asked me to hang out
That I was just as nervous as the first time
Seeing you made my heart mend
You giving me that gorgeous smile
Me knowing something was going to happen
You driving my car to your house
Us going into your room
Me laying on your bed
Putting in a movie
Trying to watch it
Cuddling because I was cold
Looking over at you and you grinning ear to ear
Me saying "What?" with a smile
You holding me gazing into my eyes saying "I missed you so much"
Us kissing after that
That was the best kiss I had ever gotten
Feeling like you meant it
Knowing it had to be you
How it was my first time
You being gentle and perfect
Your heavy breathing on my neck
Never wanting it to end
The painful goodbye, but it was more like a see you soon
The drive home at 6AM
A week later
How we hung out again
Your button down black shirt and tight jeans
How good you smelled
Loving how you looked
Not being able to keep my eyes off of you
You never being able to keep your hands off me
It feeling so right
Us back in your room
Us on your bed
Your kisses sending my head spinning
You biting my lip
Me biting yours
Truley thinking I loved you
That moment I knew I did
Your hugs and kisses goodbye
Always having to call you to let you know I made it home alright
Thinking that you'd changed
You starting to drift away again
Wishing I could be enough for you
Knowing I never could be
This situation repeating again
The same ending
I somehow knew I would see you again
My heart shattering
I know...
It can't be mended again
I'll never stop loving you
I'll see you again.
So until next time, THANKS.
When we are little we are told we can be anything.
But is that really true?
I mean, you can try to be anything, but even people with the most hopes and dreams fail sometimes.
And the upsetting thing is that if you focus your entire life on being that one thing then what do you have left when it doesn't happen?
This thought scares me so much that I have never wanted to truly be just one thing.
I have always been indecisive as long as I can remember.
People ask me what my favorite food is, I say at least three different foods.
Not one, three.
So maybe this means I am meant to try to do more than just one thing with my life.
I just want to live my life as best as I can.
Living to me is being free to do what I want and being comfortable in all situations I choose to be in.
I have never been easily forced to do things against my will.
My parents know that all too well.
At this point in my life I am really unsure of what I want to pursue.
There are three things I absolutely love -- reading, writing, and painting.
I can't imagine myself going to college for any of these though because I could teach myself better than anyone can teach me.
And I don't particularly like other people telling me how to create my art.
I like to be alone in my own element instead of having an assignment sheet infront of me.
Art isn't even art when it's required.
Art is real, and it's raw, and it has emotion.
And it's certainly never forced to be made, it just happens... kind of like love.
Oh, new blog. Imagine that.
I don't seem to have a very good track record with these things. It's kind of a love/hate relationship. By that, I mean that I LOVELOVELOVE to blog for about 4.5 days. And then I hate it.
So, lately I've decided to make a few small changes in my life.
1. I'm going back to being a vegetarian. Well, for the most part. I am gonna' eat seafood. A few years ago when I was a vegetarian, I was a STRICT vegetarian. I threw away the flavoring packet in ramen noodles. I didn't eat chicken or beef based broths. I wouldn't even eat a sandwich that was cooked on the same grill as a burger. This time around, I'm not gonna' be THAT strict. It becomes routine after a while, but I figure there are only a few simple pleasures in life and well.. life is short. So, I'm cutting out the basics. Beef, chicken, turkey, pork. Not only is it a healthier diet, and a more environmentally friendly diet, but I actually LIKED being a vegetarian. So, bring it on sushi and tofu!
2. I'm trying to be more conscious of the environment and the whole "go green" way of life. Not to a fanatic level, but I am making small changes that I think are making a small difference. I ordered a recycling container. The amount of water bottles I throw away on a daily basis is OFF.THE.CHAIN. I replaced all my cleaning products with Seventh Generation cleaning products. I'm buying all organic dairy products. [dude, EVERYONE should be buying organic dairy products.] I've always liked the quote "We must BE the change we wish to see in the world," so I figure.. why not live by it? Even in small ways. :]
3. I'm starting to put away money for Gage's future. SMALL amounts of money, but money nonetheless. I am going to try to put between 15-20 dollars per paycheck [b/w 30 and 40 dollars a month] into a piggy bank which will be kept at my mom's house. [out of sight, out of mind!] I did the calculations and it adds up to 360-480 dollar a year. I plan to give him the money on his 18th birthday. In 16 years he'll have between 5760 and 7680 dollars. I also plan to throw any money he gets for his birthdays into the bank. Also, I am saving all my spare change in a separate bank and will be turning that into a coinstar machine at the end of each month. That money will go into his bank as well. All in all, he should have near 10 grand when he turns 18. Not bad for saving just a few dollars a month, huh?
Bring it on Change!
coucou tout le monde!
voila je m'appelle Adriane je suis née le vendredi 3 aout 1990 a rueil(92)
ja suis actuellement en 2 eme année de cap coiffure et je prepare mon CAP.
je suis chiante,jalouse,amoureuse,reveuse,naturelle,chatouilleuse,maladroite,impatiente....
ma vie,je la partage avec mon cheri olivier et je compte bien la finir avec lui.
bref voila.
bonne visite et gros bisous a toutes et a tous !
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